A Brand New Year, Coming Soon!

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Today is the last day of 2016 and I couldn’t be more excited to leave this year behind and start over with a brand new blank year full of hope and new chances. 2016 has been both filled with blessings and trauma. By the end of the year, I have been so exhausted and ready to wash this year off of me. Every year on the 31st of December, I imagine all of us with an etch-a-sketch in our heads and heart; I watch as we all get shaken until we have a brand new clean slate to make new dreams and hopes on. 

I quit making resolutions quite a few years ago, I feel like they are end of the year promises that have this ability to stress me out and I get guilty for when I don’t follow through. Too much anxiety for me. Instead, I write a letter to the year I am leaving behind with all the pain, heartache, and drama that I endured for that time. I then set fire to this pretty little letter and let go of it all. I don’t want to start a new year with possible fake promises or ideas. I want a real fresh start that I can have hope in.

Do you have any different rituals for the end of the year? No resolutions, no fake promises. How do you let go of the year you’re leaving and move into the new year without any burdens?

Megan Riot

Wordy Friday!!!

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Hey! Sorry I missed last week, but I figure I have a get out of jail free card since it was Christmas. Ha. So, here are six new words!

Flawesome- Adj. An individual who embraces their “flaws” and knows they’re awesome regardless.

Boketto- Japanese. The act of gazing vacantly into the distance without thinking.

Agraohia- N. Writer’s block.

Sarang- V. The feeling of wanting to be with someone until death.

Pierian- Adj. Of or relating to poetry or poetic inspiration.

Eurtia- N. Beautiful thinking; a well mind.

Hope everyone had a great Christmas, Hanukkah, and Happy Holidays! 

Megan Riot

A new poem

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Shutter to think that one day you could end up aloneLeft with no one to hold you through you’re last moments

Shivering from the cold, you wrap yourself closer in a blanket

Death is never easy, the steps to bury you’re life

Leaving what behind and nothing at all

These moments you cling to are hard to hold on to

Distant and savage relationships

They become a redemption if you’re lucky

Collect moments, not things

When you become one with the earth

Its the memories that go with you

While your family fights for what you worked for

Those last painful breathes are turning you into a mess

And finally you descend to where you were alway meant to be

Heaven or hell

Its your choice to pick

But leave a legacy worth being proud of

And say good bye to those worth your last breath

Dont go alone, find love and peace

And fall into the ground full and complete
©Megan Riot Matthews

Wordy Friday 

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Another collection of some fun new words for my readers!

Latibule: Noun. A hiding place; a place of safety and comfort. That would be my bed. Ha

Atelophobia: The fear of imperfection, of not being good enough. Yup, I have that.

Atticism: Noun. Concise and elegant expression, diction, or the like. Pretty word.

Elysian: Adj. Beautiful or creative; divinely inspired; peaceful and perfect. I LOVE this one.

Flumadiddle: Noun. Utter nonsense. This is just fun to say.

Resfeber: Noun. The tangled feelings of fear and excitement before a journey begins. Fun to say and a good meaning.


Any one else got words they enjoy to write or say? Let me know!

Megan Riot


A Random Update

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Hey everyone, although I have been getting better from being sick, I am trying to still blog. So,

  1. Is there any kind of post you would like me write about?
  2. What would you like to see more of?
  3. Got any questions? I can even do a questionnaire with my lovely answers.

Let  me know what you more you would like to see!

Megan Riot Matthews

When the past haunts your dreams….

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You know those moments from your past that haunt you? Sometimes it can be any where; while driving, waiting in line at the store, doing your hair, or even doing chores around the house. Suddenly this moment decides to creep up and reclaim it’s former glory while leaving you in a puddle of messes as you break apart. For me, the worst time is when these moments take over my dreams and leave me exhausted and confused.

I was in an abusive relationship for nearly three years. I left him after the first beat down, but then when back to him. Although he was abusive, I was madly in love with the jerk. I would have done anything I could to hold on to him tighter and never let go. It’s been nearly four years since he got arrested and I left. It took a long time for me to get past the fear of every day life, to lose a lot of the nightmares behind, to try and move past the pain. 

I woke up this morning from a dream of one of our ‘good’ times. (When you’re in an abusive relationship; the good times are a thousand times better because the bad times were always so horrendous.) This dream was vivid and real and for a moment after waking up, I actually thought I was still near him. I was shaken and confused by the way the dream made me feel. (Ergo the picture) I don’t always have these PTSD dreams, not nearly as much as I used to, but when they spring up and fill me with old past feelings…I feel like I will never get past it. 

This man left a pretty deep scar that still burns and aches. I have been lost in thought since I woke up because regardless of the abuse, I realize my heart still longs for him. My heart goes out to all those who have been or are in an abusive relationship. It is possible to move one and leave it behind. But this kind of ‘break up’ is one that isn’t easy to leave mentally or emotionally. It is a daily struggle. Every day I have to remind myself that it is okay to still feel deeply for someone who didn’t feel the same with me, it means that my heart may be broken but there is hope for it to be fully healed again. As long as you keep walking forward, you will be healed. 

So, ladies and men (yes, men get abused too) let’s stand together and walk forward to a future where we can see hope and know love, real love, is possible again. 

Thanks for reading and tell me your stories, if possible. How did you get past the symptoms of PTSD? How did you find strength to move forward? Share and share with all those abused hearts that are connected to you. 

Megan Riot Matthews